


I'm Tearing at the Seams

by Im_Golden_TM



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, But I need to get this all off my chest and out in the open, I know this won't get any attention, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, i don't know how to tag, i guess??, sigh, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22566400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_Golden_TM/pseuds/Im_Golden_TM
Summary: I needed to get this off my chest and out of me, this is just a vent.I know it won't gain any traction because it's not part of a fandom, set in 1st person. Yeah, gross, right? If you do end up reading this, just know you can make it.You're stronger than you think you are. You can make it.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	I'm Tearing at the Seams

It's heavy. 

The weight of my mind and soul - both clashing and clawing at one another - it's bearing down on me. I don't know what to do.

The burden created by my own mind, festering from my experiences, boiling from the heat of my emotions, it's beginning to be too much for someone like me. I'm not strong like others around me. I've tried so hard to be liked by them, but I never seemed to get it right. That's okay... Maybe tomorrow, right?

Maybe tomorrow will be better! Maybe the weight won't force me to sink into the water. Perhaps my shell will persevere, and I'll keep it all here. I'll be in one piece, and everything I've had to shoulder will burn itself out.

Right?

I was so young when it developed, when it began to grow. Growing is a part of life, and it's good to grow when you're young. But something dark and silent was growing with me, and it began to integrate into my psyche. It's as if the very water my body is made of is holding me and my mind down. As if I came out of the ocean, and the ocean left a part of it inside of me.

But this ocean was not full of beautiful life like Earth's ocean. No, this ocean was dark, this ocean was dead. This ocean was hopeless, tired, but too powerful for its own good. It sneaks past every defense you could possibly have, and it crumbles it in the process. Right before it reaches your mind, and slowly devastates you from the inside.

The ocean whispered to me all my life. But it's not entirely its fault. My 'friends' were not good to me. Very cliquey, very selective. I was the butt of nearly every joke, prank, snide comment, judging gaze that lingered a second long enough for me to notice. I don't know why they kept me, but this developed horrible thoughts.

_Nobody would care if you were gone. It wouldn't change anything, you know._

I listened to the whispers the majority of my life. I've grown so very tired from this constant battle. It was always the same thing, _I'm tired,_ I said to them. My parents, my friends, my teachers, everyone. Because I was. My resolve is breaking, after my fourth attempt on my life.

I wanted to start the new decade of 2020 off by ending it all. Because I thought it would be best for everyone to keep going without me.

Because I'm broken. I've been broken for so long; no matter how many times I've put the pieces back together, nothing could keep them like that forever. It just kept falling apart, it didn't matter how much time had passed. It would always fall apart again.

The seams barely holding me together in one piece are tearing apart.

None of this can be real, right? It can't be... It can't be so hopeless, right? My heart had warmth once, all those years ago! My mind had ideas, and dreams and hopes and a yearning to understand the world. I wanted to love and be loved, I wanted to do amazing things and learn and achieve more than anyone has done before!

I loved the potential people had, the colors we could see and mix into glorious pieces of art! I loved our Earth, our system in which we reside. I loved my friends - though, before I realized how badly they treated me.. - and I loved my family!

Love and wonder and admiration swelled in my being once before, it was bright and burning, my mind was young but it was unique.

All before the ocean snuffed it out. My skin now is riddled with scars, each with a certain story and world behind it. My flesh might have healed, but my mind is still in pieces.

I'm not okay anymore. I don't think I will be for a very long time. Please understand that I'm trying so hard to keep myself afloat, in this endless dark sea that consumes my whole being. I won't say it'll be okay, because I don't know that for sure.

But maybe one day it will get easier again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work here, and I'm too tired to put more into it than I could've. But if you read it, thank you. I truly to appreciate you listening to my words.
> 
> I hope whoever is reading this now to have a good day; and even if it's not a good one, please, just have a day.
> 
> Thank you again. :)


End file.
